I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So vagazzling was a success
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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