dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
