i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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