she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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