Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
