The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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