Everything about him screamed your future.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
