You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
