If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Do vagina's smell?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
