Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
