remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
