I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
