do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
