Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
