is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
