Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
