How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
