He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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