I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
