What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
