I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
