I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
