Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Operation Purity has been aborted
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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