Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
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