look no pants
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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