Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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