Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
