Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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