dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
