if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
