I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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