i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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