so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
