I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
i now understand why vodka
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
