well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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