It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
