I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
