woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
