i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
