i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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