Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
