Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
