you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
