Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
