Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
