He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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