Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh god it's open bar.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
