If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
