i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
