He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
