The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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