Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
