Im at strip club and am horny
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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